Forty bucks and a foot rub
by Sake Bottle Swing
Summary: Envy X Pikachu X Shopping cart yields one cracktastic pairing. FMAPokemon crossover. Envy makes a bet with Greed, and soon needs help getting out of a tight situation.


"Twenty bucks says you won't do it."

Envy looked at Greed incredulously. "Twenty bucks? Are you fucking trying to insult me?"

Greed took a long drag from his cigarette. "Fine. Make it forty. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity, my friend, you know damn well how I am with my money."

Envy snorted. "Yeah, I know how you are with your money, and your women, and your cigarettes and exotic designer drugs and whatnot. Forget it. No dice. You can't pay me enough to humiliate myself like that." Envy began to walk faster through the slush towards the cheaply lit store in front of the, grateful that for once he decided to wear real shoes.

"Forty bucks and a foot rub. Take it or leave it."

Envy stopped dead in his tracks. His nose twitched in the slightest. A foot rub, now that was difficult to pass up. Of course, he would have to endure the utmost of humiliation at Greed's hands—possibly even get arrested for indecent exposure—but...

He did so love to have his wee little toes massaged. And Greed had the most divine hands…

Envy spun on his heel. "You have yourself a deal. But I'll beat the shit out of you if you don't hold up to your end of the bargain."

Greed flashed a shark-like smile at him as he threw his cigarette on the ground and didn't bother to stomp it out. "Very well then. There's a shopping cart over there. Let's make some magic happen."

Envy strode over to a snow pile and hauled a shopping cart from the dirty white slush. He winced at how cold the handle felt and shuddered. This was going to be far more uncomfortable than he imagined. He pushed it back over to Greed and steadied it, staring down at the thin metal bars with trepidation.

"Well?" Greed said, nudging him with his elbow. "Go ahead. Stick that bad boy in there."

Envy gulped and looked into Greed's mirrored sunglasses, meeting his own reflection. He steeled his gaze and looked now with determination at the task ahead. _It's now or never. He only said I had to do it, never specified for how long…_

Greed didn't bother to restrain his laughter as Envy wriggled he member out of his skort and flinched at the cold air. "Holy fuck it's freezing," Envy gasped between gritted teeth. Greed snickered before leaning down and whispering something quite naughty into Envy's ear.

Envy sprung to attention. "Goddammit, Greed, you _know_ what Roy in ostrich feathers does to me." Greed smirked and said, "That's the point. Now do it before I change my mind, I don't wanna be looking at your junk all day."

Greed roared with laughter as Envy pushed himself through the thin metal bars of the shopping cart, hollering and swearing at the extreme coldness. "Greed…shit, man, this had better be the best goddamn foot rub ever."

"Alright, now rotate your hips a bit, pretend you're actually fucking the shopping cart," Greed said as he made obnoxiously loud sex noises, while Envy bucked and rolling his hips against the poor molested shopping cart. As Greed faked another orgasm, he noticed a young boy wearing a white and red hat enter the store to which the shopping cart belonged.

"Hey, what is this place, anyway?" He read the green neon letters next to the automatic door. "Pokémart. The fuck's a Pokémart?" He shrugged and strolled over to investigate while lighting another cigarette.

"Wait, Greed!" Envy cried from his current predicament. "The fuck are you going? Greed! Get me the lube outta your pocket, I think it's stuck! Greed! Don't leave me here!! Greed?? GREEEEED!!!" His cries fell on deaf ears, however, as Greed entered the store, blatantly ignoring the shouts of "Hey! Don't smoke in here!" which came from the owner of the shop.

Envy sighed in defeat and turned back to the matter at hand. His member didn't appear to be in any good shape. He was freezing cold, he couldn't feel his penis, and on top of it, he appeared to be stuck in a ridiculous metal contraption used for the transport of cheap goods from a…a place called a Pokémart.

Mere seconds later the automatic door slid open and Greed rushed out, clutching a dozen or so red and white balls in his hands and laughing hysterically. The boy with the red and white hat was chasing after him, shouting, "Come back here! This guy took my Pokémon! Hey! Stop it!!" The yellow mouse-like creature he was clutching in his arms growled in an pathetically cute way, and muttered something like, "Pika pika…" in annoyance.

The boy looked at the mouse and said, "I'm going to chase after him and get my Pokémon back. Pikachu, you stay here incase he loops around. I'll get my Pokémon back, because I've gotta catch 'em all!" He struck what he thought was a heroic looking pose, then threw his Pikachu into a snow pile and ran after Greed.

Envy watched the whole scene, thunderstruck at what had just happened. Did that boy know that Greed was a Homunculus who could kill him with his little finger? More importantly, didn't he see that there was an incredibly smexy young male with his member trapped in a shopping cart not ten feet from him? Envy shook his head and sighed. Once Greed became attached to a collection of objects he rarely let go, which meant that his chances of getting Greed's lube were virtually impossible. He couldn't use his own saliva, either, since his mouth had gone dry for shouting at Greed and swearing.

He glanced over at the creature, which was struggling to emerge from the snow pile. Hmm….it appeared to be some sort of carbon-based life form with a mouth. Hell, it would be better than nothing.

"Hey," Envy called out. "Psst. Pika-whatsit. You there. C'mere for a sec." The yellow creature finally popped its head out of the snow pile and bounced over to Envy, where it stared at him curiously. "Pika?" it questioned, and tilted its head to the side.

"Yeah, you there. I need you to help me with this thing." He gestured to his rather obvious physical issue. "I'm stuck here and can't get out by myself. I want you to hop in the carriage and drool all over it so it gets wet enough to slide out. Do you understand?" Pikachu looked up at him curiously, then became distracted by a shiny object and started to hop away.

"Oh hell no!" cried Envy as he seized Pikachu by the tail and held him up in front of his face. Pikachu gazed at him with wide, frightened eyes. He did not like the scary she-man. He didn't like this scary she-man at all.

Envy glared at Pikachu and said, "Look, you little freak of nature. You'd better help me out of this jam or I'll snap your neck right now." He assumed the guise of his master, imitating the young features he'd seen on the brat with the stupid hat. "You'll do it for me, won't you?" he whined.

Pikachu had no choice. He couldn't disobey an order from his trainer. He squirmed out of Envy's grasp and landed in the basket of the shopping cart. Envy grinned sadistically down at the little creature as it opened its tiny mouth and began to lick along Envy's half-frozen member.

Pikachu winced in disgust at this terrible she-man, who quite seemed to be enjoying the wonders the little mouth was working on him. Worse, he was growing even more aroused, which certainly wasn't helping his current situation. Yet the man didn't care, and continued to moan and make strange noises until he twitched and finally came, all the while screaming "ROY!!!!" at the top of his lungs. He was sufficiently wet enough, however, to slide out of the bars of the shopping cart. Flushed and panting slightly, Envy awkwardly patted Pikachu on the head, saying, "You're all right," as he tucked himself back into his skort.

Envy tossed Pikachu back into the same snow pile just as Greed came around the corner, carrying a young boy with a red and white hat over his shoulder. He dumped the boy in the snow pile next to Pikachu and looked Envy up and down. "Envy? What's up? Why are you wearing your 'I just got fucked' face? Did you get laid while I was gone? What the hell happened?"

Envy smirked and clapped Greed on the shoulder. "That little boy's Pika-thing over there is quite talented." Greed stared at him, shocked at first, then burst out laughing, saying, "Jesus, Envy, you are such a fucking nymphomaniac. Oh my god. I knew you were kinky, but beastiality?"

Envy shrugged. "I was in a pinch. Now, I believe you owe me something…"

….

There were several reasons Greed hated giving Envy foot rubs. One was that Envy always orgasmed whenever his wee little toes were fondled. The second was that Greed always ended up getting kicked in the face when Envy came. Third, foot rubs inevitably led to other certain extracurricular activities, and fourth was that Envy had a nearly infinite capacity for orgasms.

Greed leaned against the headboard of Envy's bed and took a long drag from his cigarette. When he finished it, he stubbed in out in Envy's hair and grabbed his forty bucks, though not before shoving Envy off the bed, covers and all. It was a good thing that Envy was a sound sleeper.

The bruise on his face twinged as Greed chuckled to himself, but it was all worth it to watch Envy stick his dick into a shopping cart.

…..

A few hours later, an unconscious Ash awoke next to his Pikachu, who was shivering, though not from cold. "Pikachu?" he asked. "What happened? Why are you shaking? And what on earth is all over your face?"


End file.
